Personal

I should be the first to know that posting things that are personal on a blog is a bad idea...but seriously, I have a whole of 7 followers and maybe a total of 15 checkers, and besides...my life is an open book anyways right? So I'll break my rules about blogging and I'll write more than a paragraph and I'll get personal but this is only because it is 12:31 AM Christmas Eve at my parents house in Bountiful and I am just not that tired.
This year was a trip.
It was the year two thousand and ten but really it was two thousand and TEEN.
Do you remember when you were a teenager and all your emotions were either completely muted or extremely amplified? This = my year.
Growing up through another 365 days was rough, I mean gosh damnit I didn't get asked to prom all over again and gosh damnit there was another breakup because like I totally wasn't going to bail on the football game to hang out with him alone for yet another night. My parents were more strict on my 10:30 curfew because they caught me sneaking out or lying about where I was. My last crush didn't like me back and the one before him liked the head cheerleader at the exact same time (hello? I can't compete with that bitch!) The girls at school look down on my scandy apparel and think that I am some kinda ho but really girls...its been about 5 months since I have kissed anybody, and it was just a kiss and I can promise you it wasn't me who gave him herpes of the lip.
I was screaming to be seen while basking in my successes and dying to hide when failure struck yet again. Whilst all year I was strong with the dudes ultimately it all came down to the girls (you know, the ones who will go shopping or skip home room to go get nails done with you) I mean yes! the world was mine! I got a mother flippin drivers license and I can go places! But damn, I didn't get a car for my 16th birthday. Stranded. The continual struggle of identity crisis (bangs, no bangs, bangs) persisted all year long. Which hair style makes me look older? So you know, I can sneak into Area 51 with a fake ID and pass as 18 with flying colors. I was confident enough in myself to moon some stranger out of a moving car one day and so much of a basket case the other to the point of inability to speak to a bearded stranger at a party. I lost some bets and won some too. It was all about me even when it wasn't.
So just when I thought I was getting past the tumultuous years of my life I look back on two thousand and teen and realize, though I have grown and learned much, I am still a little girl. It was a damn fine year, but it also effin sucked.
I'll be surprised if I keep this post up. I can see myself waking up tomorrow morning and regret showing vulnerability...I mean there are people out there who find it shocked that Hillah da Killah gets self conscious so feast your eyes.